i feel empty.
…and scared.
but nobody seems to notice or care.
…I just lost my job. I know I shouldn’t make a big deal of it, soon I’ll find a new one… I know people lose their job every day and this is normal. But I’m not okay with it, ok? I’ve been a burden to my parents for so many years… I’m now turning into a burden to other people as well… Friends keep calling me, asking me to go out with them and go places, but I keep refusing, because I have no money. I have no money to help my roommates pay bills. I barely keep paying my rent. I have no idea what I am doing anymore and I don’t have the wish to go anywhere and do anything. My bed is fine as it is. Those people either still live with their parents, or they work, or they have a family that is able to pay their expenses. I don’t fit under any of those categories. I keep trying to hint it to people but they just don’t get it…
I feel like a fucking mess… ; ___ ;
This one to be exact:
*sobs* And I have to go oooooooooout ; A ;
I haven’t talked to him in a week… *whimper*
Why haven’t you unfollowed me yet? :T
I really wish it was because secretly you still want to be my friend…
But the more I think about it, the more I think it’s just that you’re waiting for me to do it first ; _ ;
Seriously, why the hell are you doing this to me…?
Don’t you just hate it when you’re friends with a couple? I mean… you don’t just know them…or…you’re not just friends with one of them. You know them both and they are both your friends, they both mean a lot to you and you want both people to be happy.
And then they break up. IT SUCKS!
You don’t dare ask questions and you can’t take a side, because you simply don’t want to choose one person over the other. It will not be right and over all you don’t really know which side to pick anyways.
It’s the second time this happens and I am completely confused, especially since for one of these people this is the second time this happens. The first time it was another friend of mine. So what I have here… is a triangle… I don’t know if I should feel bad for people A & B or feel hopeful for person C who still loves person A and maybe they can come back together and… *headdesk*
To those of you who don’t know… I am in a “long-distance” relationship. The quotation marks are there, because the long distance is not actually that long, we’re just in different cities. Sadly both me and him work and we don’t have time to go visit eachother. Lately we don’t even have time to talk online and it’s murder for me… But now… I somehow feel good, because if I were to spend all my time with him then we would start fighting too, right? I don’t want that. I feel bad that I feel relieved that he is far from me ; __ ;
But I don’t want to be like that/those couple/s.
I hate the stupid distance. I hate it so much I can’t even explain it. It’s so stupid how you’re only a few hours away from me and I still can’t have you ; ___ ;
I wish I could hate people. Not that I will go and start hating on everyone, but at least I’ll try and separate myself from people. I know for certain some people dislike me. A lot. Every time I meet them, they look at me as if they want to tear me apart with their eyes and it’s weird. I mean… it’s not hurtful, just a little bit offensive, because me on the other hand… I don’t hate this people. Maybe dislike them a bit. But most of the time I am just indifferent. It’s how I have always been. There is only one person in my life that I think is worth being hated and even him I cannot hate. I have been far from him for so long that I have forgotten many things about him and his face is also hard to remember. He has still left enough scars for me to want to hate him. But I don’t. I’m just indifferent to him as well.
*shrugs* I guess what I am trying to say is that if I could hate people I could distance myself better and that would save me lots of time and nerves and whatnot.
Also, I think realization’s finally kicking in & I’m starting to be sad. :/
*purr* i’m kinda sad, though. i really liked those two~
*curls in your lap & falls asleep*
well it just goes to show that they weren’t my friends to begin with, right? should i feel sad for losing someone who doesn’t give a shit about me? :D Ah, what did I believe was true? o.o that i’m a bitch? is that being bad? i thought only bitches survive nowadays, i should take it as a compliment
please don’t. all in all it’s not that far from the truth, i haven’t been very good. i’m only a bit sad that i thought him and this other girl were my friends only to have them tell me how much of a princess i am being *sigh* at least the events are eye-opening ^^;
“I’m tired of you bitch.
**** you, okay?
You not in the rp anymore.
It’s “my rp after all”.
Grow up.
Get your fucking self together.”
That’s just the beginning of a rant towards me. The whole thing is kinda long and I’m not sure if I’m expected to get hurt/sad/mad about it, but I’m just re-reading it and I’m not feeling anything. I know the guy’s been through a lot and my life’s flowers and roses compared to his, but right now I just can’t feel bad for him or feeling bad for pissing him off an putting pressure on him. I feel nothing!
At least I got to talk to him yesterday. Even if just for a bit. I haven’t felt this happy in a while.
Stupid person… Bet you don’t even know what you’re doing to me…
……i don’t want to fall in love ;___;
Yesterday I totally lost it :c Ever since I left home, I started crying. On the streets. And then in the bus… I tried to calm myself down, to think of silly / stupid things how if I keep doing this, my eyes will turn to ice and I’ll walk like an idiot, but even that didn’t manage to make me feel better. I’m starting to wonder if anything can…
There was a lady on the bus who constantly gave me weird looks. Was it because I was crying? It was rude. I felt like yelling at her…
And for the first time I was so tired at work… When I went to take my 2hour nap I am allowed to have (from 2 to 4am) I actually fell so badly asleep, I somehow woke up at 5… Ah, I must have been a bother to the janitor :// He said nothing, though. I tried sleeping a few hours today, I hope this makes me feel a bit better tonight. I should motivate myself with the thought I’m having a day off tomorrow! ;u;
I should seriously start following the news! Yesterday I picked the newspaper that was bought the same morning and it turned out the sea was going crazy these days… Giant waves and such… And some places were flooded. I think my heart stopped beating for a bit ;___; I wrote Chris a message, he said he was fine. And that he hates my job xD It was nice to hear from him, haven’t talked to him in a while, but it feels like years… ;( *sigh*
Oh well, better get ready for work…
Hello, precious :}
